Accepting Feedback With Grace

Have you ever been in the place where you want feedback on your writing, you want people to tear it a part and give you their best critique. But then, when you actually give it to them and you see the edits and critiques start coming in, you cringe. You feel like a horrible writer. Why didn’t you think to word that sentence like that? Or, why didn’t you know to put that comma there?

It can be discouraging. But as writers, it’s something we need to learn to push through and learn to accept. Feedback is one of the most beneficial tools for writers, it’s a key element for us to grow in our craft.

So how can we learn to accept critique with grace? How do we learn to not cringe every time someone makes a suggestion for our story? How do we become tough enough that we don’t shut down when feedback is given?

Let’s dive in and figure out.

#1 Have a Plan

If you don’t have a plan going forward then it’s going to be easy to get overwhelmed when you open your Google doc to possibly hundreds of edits. Don’t expect it to be easy, it won’t be. No matter who you are, it can be hard to read people’s critique on what you wrote. This story is your baby and nobody takes kindly to people pointing out all the faults their baby has.

But don’t look at it that way. Remember that these are people who only want to see you succeed and that is why they’re giving you this feedback. Accept it. And have a plan. Decide before you open your doc how long you’re going to spend on it today.

Maybe you carved out half an hour to work on it today, so know going into it that’s all you’re spending at it. You don’t have to go through all the edits in one day. Take them one at a time and see how much you can get done in the time you alloted today. Then close the doc and go back to it the next day.

Sometimes, the more you force yourself to work on it, the more you’re going to feel discouraged and depressed. For me, I have found having a certain amount of time allowed for the day helps me to stay motivated instead of disheartened. Figure out what works for you and create your game plan.

#2 Ask Questions

Don’t feel bad about asking questions. If you’re unsure why someone made a certain edit, then ask them. Ask them to explain better why they made that suggestion. Maybe you don’t understand what they meant by their suggestions or maybe you don’t understand why they want you to make that change. Simply ask them. As long as you’re courteous, they won’t mind you asking for a better explanation.

#3 Don’t Forget Your Strengths

As you’re reading through comments on your Google doc, or hearing from a friend how they think your story can be stronger, all you see are the weaknesses. And often times you forget your strengths. But through all the critiques you can’t lose sight of the fact that you are an amazing writer.

That’s often the leading factor to feeling depressed by feedback—forgetting how amazing you are. And don’t feel prideful for thinking that! You are an amazing writer and this feedback on your story is only going to make you more amazing as a writer! Think of it that way and nine times out of ten you won’t feel so discouraged over feedback. (Notice how I said nine times out of ten… there will always be those rare times when the only thing that can help you is a pound of chocolate. Don’t forget to have plenty on hand if you’re asking for feedback.)

#4 Thank Them

And, last of all, thank the people giving you feedback. Not only do they deserve a huge dose of appreciation for taking the time to critique your story, but by thanking them it will help you to feel more thankful as well. Even if you don’t feel like their feedback was helpful, thank them anyways. Gratitude is the best cure for discouragement.

Conclusion

Accepting feedback can be hard. Sometimes that’s all there is to it. But I hope that this article has been helpful in learning how to accept it with grace and reminding you of some valuable points.

Because it is easy to feel discouraged from feedback. Too easy in fact. I recently shared the first three chapters of one of my novels with beta readers… easy, right? Wrong. From the start I was nervous. I had shared my writing with family and close friends, but never much past that. Especially not three whole chapters. I was terrified what people would say. Then the comments started pouring in.

I’m not proud to say, for several days I ignored the doc.

I saw most of the comments as they came through in my notifications and, well, it didn’t look pretty. All I saw was edit after edit. So many changes. Did no one even like my story? It was so discouraging.

But then I did it, I took the plunge. I opened the doc and started taking the suggestions and edits one by one. And you know what? It wasn’t even that bad! I agreed with the majority of the edits and what I hadn’t seen in my notifications was how much everyone was loving it!

Sometimes you can trick yourself into believing only half the story, but you have to open your mind to the whole picture. You can’t limit your view to only what the notifications say because when you open the doc you’ll see the true beauty. Because the joy of someone else loving your story is beautiful indeed.

Your turn!

Do you find it hard to accept feedback? What do you do when you become overwhelmed by critiques? How do you accept them with grace and learn/grow from them as a result?

Blessings, Allyson